Know your Values: How the people in your life bring out your true value


Join me and my friend, world-traveling chef and coach, Jessica Condy!

We’re discussing how to discover the values that really matter to you and then live as your truest self. When you aren’t sure what your values are, we’ve got a few tricks to help you zone into your relationships and inner-being to discern what your values are and how you can live them out. 


Doctor Neha Sangwan: Today, Jess Condy and I are going to talk about how we met and how you know when you’ve outgrown other people that you’re with, how you know when you’re growing together. Because Jess is a friend that I met several years ago in Bali, and there’s a connection, even though you only spend a little amount of time with someone, where you know that you’re resonant, your energy is connected. 

I believe that that is due to sharing values. So knowing what you value and being able to articulate that clearly helps you in many arenas in your life. It helps you know, when you’ve outgrown someone, it helps you know what your purpose is. It leads you down a decision making pathway that is quick and effective, not just for now, but for the long haul. 

Welcome, Jess. I’m excited to have this conversation with you. 

Jessica “Jess” Condy: It’s wonderful to be here. And I think this is going to be a very juicy conversation.

Neha: Well, just why don’t we start with all the ways we’re different, because a lot of times in the world — that’s how people see the world. They look at people, places, cultures, things, and talk about how different we are and how it’s a lot of our divided world today. Seeing how different we are. 

So let’s start there. Let’s talk about how we’re different. I’ve got black hair and you’ve got blonde.

Jess: Blue eyes and brown eyes. All

Neha: You are in you live in South Africa and were born there. I am of Indian descent, born in Michigan in the United States.

Jess: You’re a doctor, and I’m a chef and empowerment coach.

Neha:  I’m a coach, too. So my training is in engineering and medicine. What did you go to school for?

Jess: Marketing and finance, but then I became a chef and coach.

Neha: I went for engineering and medicine, and then I became an executive coach and culture transformation expert, an author, and a writer. 

So, it’s interesting how our paths, even within our own paths and how we are different, that what we’ve both studied different things — but both paths have led us back to coaching.

Jess: Absolutely, I think it’s the whole journey that we’ve been on, the other choices we’ve made, and what we’ve explored that has all taken us back to this decision.

Neha: I think that comes from having similar values, but let’s check it out. We’re gonna play this game, where we’re each going to say two or three things that we appreciate about the other person. 

Okay. So what do I appreciate about you? I appreciate: 

  1. your adventurous nature
  2. your love for aesthetics
  3. your love of excellence

Are those true for you?

Jess: Yeah, those [qualities] are true for me. Thank you.

Neha: Now, we’ll do the reverse.

Jess: For me, I just love I love: 

  1. your sense your adventure 
    • That was really appealing to me and very heartwarming to see the way you loved life.  
  2. I love your wisdom 
    • You hold a lot of wisdom. I really love and admire you and your wisdom. I really could sit there listening, and be like, “Wow, I could really learn a lot.” And 
  3. I love your appreciation for excellence in your drive. 
    • You’re very driven woman. Ambitious.

Neha: Wow, thank you. 

The trick here becomes — if any of you are confused about what your highest values are, pick somebody that you’ve chosen as a dear friend. Then, pick three qualities that you admire about them, and then surprise, those are actually qualities that you value and you possess. 

Now some of our answers overlapped, and they could be completely different, right? I could have picked that you were fun loving and lively. I could have picked your taste in fashion and your love of bright colors. Even if those were the three that I picked, what it will give me is insight, not just into what I care about in you, but what is in me. Even as I was saying those things, I’m seeing you’re wearing pink and orange — well, I’ve got a pretty, purple lipstick and sweater on myself. 

So if you ever get stuck like, “Hey, what do I value? Pick a few people around you that you admire and name what you value in them. And then surprise those things are in you. —5.17 So that’s a quick way to start getting clear on what you value, because what you value determines how you make decisions, and you want to be conscious about that. 

Jess, let’s talk a little bit about using what you value in this adventure that you’ve been on. What matters to you about coaching and about being a chef? Why is that meaningful to you?

Jess: A long time ago, I realized that freedom was one of my highest values. I remember I had just finished a mind power course with Dr. John Kehoe, and I said, “I’m going to travel the world doing something I love, and I’m going to get well-paid to do so.” 

That was kind of how I felt at the time. I think I was about 22, and for me, it’s the journey of learning about yourself. When you travel, it’s like the school of life. And the people, the places the cultures, the food — everything gives you an experience of yourself, because it’s just mirroring back to you who you are, and you get to see yourself in so many different ways, shapes, and forms. 

For me that’s why traveling the world has just been one of the biggest gifts I ever gave myself. In coaching, holding the mirror up for other people is one of the most empowering things I’ve ever experienced — watching people going through a metamorphosis journey and allowing people to see how extremely powerful, brilliant, gorgeous, and talented they really are. 

It’s very life-giving for me, so I’m very passionate about watching people step into who they really are and empowering them to live a life that lights them up. That’s what really makes me come alive. 

Food has been a big part of my journey too. I traveled the world as a superior chef for 12 years, and I loved that. Now, I have merged the yachting and the coaching and kind of created a hybrid version. The most important thing has always been for me is to follow your bliss. Do what makes you happy and be authentic to who you are as a person.

Neha: And where did you learn to cook? Who was your mentor? Where did you pick up this up as a passion?

Jess: My grandmother was Spanish/Italian, so I think I was just part of our culture. I think I could roll spanakopita before I could walk. Good food has always been a big part of my life, but it was really when I was 12 years old and I was diagnosed with leaky gut. I was taken off sugar, gluten, and dairy — and that’s when I really learned how to cook, because that was what I had to empower myself with the knowledge and I healed myself with food, then and on many other occasions. 

I’ve experienced it, and I studied to be a holistic health and transformational nutrition coach, because I wanted to do have that knowledge to empower other women that they can heal their body with food. That I had experienced it firsthand and on several occasions, and I know you’ve had a similar experience recently with with food and eating, Neha. 

Neha: I have, actually. I got a parasite when I was traveling and in that process, it stripped my gut lining. I became pretty sensitive to hundreds of food all the way down to olive oil. For a woman who really didn’t cook for the first 48 years of her life — what a shock it was to then need to learn how to cook with whole foods only. Never eating out, because olive oil obviously wipes out eating out. But then to learn to cook in such a restricted way and still be creative and make it delicious and learn to nourish myself. 

So, I have an interesting follow-up to what you just said — if you could sum up your purpose in coaching, what would it be?

Jess: I think empowering people to reconnect with who they really are, and live life from that authentic place if they remember who they are. From that place, everything else unfolds. It’s empowering people to step into who they are and to live their life on that face.

Neha: I love it. So my purpose is to awaken people to their personal power and empower them to live it. 

Jess: Yeah, we are quite similar.

Neha: Then in companies and organizations when I do it, I tweak it a little bit. And it’s, “I awaken leaders, teams, and organizations to their personal and collective power and empower them to live it.” 

So how could it be that a girl from South Africa and an Indian immigrants daughter born in the US, one trained in marketing and finance and one trained in engineering in medicine — could both find their way not only to a very similar place. We both learned to nourish ourselves and then to nourish other people in a way that awakens them to their personal power and empowers them to live it.

Jess: It’s really quite special, and I remember meeting you in Bali and we just connected instantly. There was a whole group of us, and I remember we just connected and started chatting about life and values and where we saw the world. I was like, “Oh, she’s one of my soul sisters. She completely gets it.”

Neha: Well, I feel exactly the same way. I think what is unique about what we are doing in our lives, is both of us go on these outer adventures. But we equally have our own inner adventure, exploring ourselves and exploring this vast space of how we can use our awareness and powerful tools to transform how we think, how we feel in our relationships — whether it’s to food, to our families, our partners, our jobs.

Jess: It’s an exciting journey ahead, and I feel like the butterfly wings are flapping against the chrysalis and it’s going to be there’s going to be a lot of flight happening next year.

Neha: I’m excited for that. 

Thank you Jess, thank you so much. It’s been a pleasure. 

If any of you are wondering, “What is my purpose? I don’t know. The whole world’s changing, now I’m ready to change my life, change my job. I’m ready to align more.” Take a moment surround yourself with the people that you admire. Either ask them or you could even do it yourself. Write down the values that are really important to you, the qualities you admire about them. Look at those and see if you can see that they’re actually some of your highest values, your own qualities. 

That’ll be the beginning of guiding you into next steps. If you’ve outgrown a circle of friends, a relationship, or a job, that is important information, too. Then what I would do is reflect back on why you chose that job, that relationship, that place to live in the first place. Honor it, and then as you move forward, get ready to embrace the values that you have written down about who and what you admire. 

Alright, thanks again, Jess. And I look forward to all of us creating more of what we want. 

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